The Mum I thought I would be vs The Mum I am.

Dear Pops,

When I was pregnant I had such strong opinions on what type of Mum I was going to be. There were somethings I said that I would do or would never do as a Mum. However, once you arrived I quickly learnt that some times you don't get a choice, sometimes you just have to do what works and sometimes you just have to let things go.

I was going to breast feed. And I was going to do it for the first year. No comprise. In the end you were bottle fed formula. This was a decision I had no control over and I hated it. I am obviously pro breast feeding, but would never judge a new Mum who formula feeds. I found quickly that otherS would judge when they saw you giving a newborn formula. Such judgement from other Mums, all assuming I had decided that I just couldn't be bothered or was too selfish to breast feed, not one of them bothering to ask why I made this choice.

I was never going to give you a dummy. Then you had colic. We would try everything to soothe you, nothing worked, then In desperation I gave you a dummy and it worked, and I just wanted to soothe you and that's what worked for you. So we let you have it.

I wasn't going to dress you in pink. We did and still do, a lot. You just look so darn cute in it.

I was going to make sure you always napped in your crib or cot. I didn't. I was so in love with all the sleepy newborn cuddles, so wrapped up in our closeness, to busy staring at your little face to put you in your crib. And now, 18months on you will only nap in your pushchair, never in the cot.

I wasn't going to let you drink juice. I still don't like you having it often and much prefer you to drink water. But, one day you were really poorly and wouldn't touch your water, I really just wanted to get some fluid in you and so let you try my orange juice, you loved it and drank lots. So now whenever you are poorly and won't drink much water I always sneak you some juice.

I didn't want you to watch much television. I still don't like you watching it much . But, if it wasn't for the wonder that is Peppa Pig we would never be able to eat a home cooked meal.

I wanted to use reusable nappies. We don't. We do use the all natural, biodegradable disposable ones though. We also use reusable wipes. Partly because the are better for the environment partly because you have very sensitive skin and these wipes are fab.

I would make everything you eat from scratch. I did quite well on this one. I spent hours making batches of purées (that you either spat out or refused to eat). And now, due to your egg allergy it's safer and easier to prepare all your food from scratch. I even invested in a dehydrator to make you fruit snacks. However I would be lying if I said I had never cheated. Those little purée pouches are just too easy and convenient.

I was going to be one of those Mums who spent hours doing arts, crafts, sensory play and messy play activities. We do attempt all these things, just not as often as we should and they usually are unsuccessful, but I guess that's half the fun.

We would go to lots of baby groups. We don't. We do attend a dance class that your Daddy comes to, we visit soft play centres and we see friends with children. But we don't go to baby groups. We tried. But I found the ones we visited were not at all welcoming. They were unfriendly and we never went back.


What I have learnt is all babies are different and so are all families, what works for one doesn't work for the other. I focus less on the kind of Mum I want to be and instead on how I can be the best Mum to you, my sweetheart.
I may not do things as I thought I would, but you are happy and healthy and I enjoy every minute of being a Mamma.

All my Love Mummy xxx